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Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Keep What Works, Fix What's Broken, Dump the Rest...




Keep What Works, Fix What's Broken, Dump the Rest

This is our new motto. I want EVERY parent to memorize this motto. Why? Because I am tired of parents that find some book on parenting or website that they think is great and manage to follow it so close to the letter that they harm their kids unwittingly. No two kids are the same and no one way will work in it's entirety. Just because one part may work brilliantly, it does NOT mean that all parts will work equally as well. If it happens that way great, but, also understand that just because a person that writes a book manages to have some great advice, it doesn't mean that the whole of his teachings is true and must be trusted. 


We all know about Michael and Debi Pearl...aside from the fact that children have died because their parents followed their teachings to a T.
THE GOOD:
Great that they promote nursing(for at least 2 years)
Co-sleeping(well bed-sharing)
Actually, they DO have some great advice mixed in with the most horrible advice around. 
They don't really advocate CIO


THE BAD:
They want you to train your child from birth to be super obedient...even if you have to spank your tiny baby with a "weed eater chord". Yet, because of some good advice, people assume this is ok and follow through.
This is a Weed Eater that they want you to use the cutting line from.


People still love them and their teaching enough to defend them at every turn. They created websites and pages and more to profess their love and teachings.


This was just one example, however, there are literally MILLIONS of different parenting books and websites and Facebook pages with information on pregnancy, childbirth, nursing, parenting babies, toddlers, preschoolers and teens...some are great, some are bad, some are ok...


It is your job as a parent to sort through the muck and decide which parts to keep, which parts to change to suit your family and child and which to just throw out. You can decide by using your COMMON SENSE, by researching, by cross referencing and by asking other parents that you admire their parenting style and their children. Use all of this together to decide what may be best for you. This is the method I use to decide in my house. I don't rely on one way alone because it doesn't give me enough info to decide. So, I am asking that you think long and hard before you follow ONE way pf thinking so hard that you can't see past it to other methods or can't see the bad in it if EVERYONE else seems to be able to see it. 


The "On Becoming Babywise" by Gary Ezzo is another example of a book that has mothers that follow it and it's feeding schedule so closely that their babies have been admitted to hospitals with Failure to Thrive because they weren't getting enough milk through nursing. These mom's are so caught up in it that they couldn't see that it wasn't working. They didn't follow the motto. Even the AAP put out a warning about this and there are still parents that  LOVE this book and can't see the bad they created websites and pages about the book and their love.  AAP articles HERE, HERE and HERE.


Tizzie Hall wants you to use holding your child as a punishment tactic, she wants you to put your baby in a onesie, a sleeper, a sleeper bag, a double swaddle and MANY layers of blankets...to most of us this seems INSANE, but to her followers, it is awesome and worth defending to the death. 


Along with my stating that no two kids are alike...just because one family you know has used a method since the beginning of time with every child born to them and it has worked so well that EVERY kid slept from day one and ate anything sat in front of them and followed orders like a trained monkey and made straight 100% A's in school and college followed by getting a job as a doctor/lawyer/"Indian chief" making tons of money while giving half to charity and half to church and raised 900 equally perfect children doesn't mean that it is THE ABSOLUTE way to raise every child on the planet or that it is even an ok way. Those people just happened to have excellent kids. LOL


I know very successful people that came from VERY horrible backgrounds(Dave Pelzer) and those that came from seemingly decent households that turned into worthless adults. So, like I say...what works for one won't guarantee it works for you.



1 comment:

  1. It's so sad that you even need to write a post like this... but you do. There are so many people out there who've never been taught the art of critical thinking. They've been taught to believe what they're told without actually bothering to question it. So, thanks for writing this.

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