Backwards World!

     

     Today's society has their parenting all sorts of backwards...

     First, you have this new baby. A baby that is in all sense of the word: Helpless. They cannot get fed, go potty, change clothes, change positions...can't do ANYTHING without your help. They have a teeny, tiny stomach that needs tiny amounts of food VERY often. They have no clue about time, about wake and sleep cycles, about feelings or anything else. The most they know is that nursing is awesome, mom cuddles are great and that if something isn't right, crying is their only option to get someone to fix what they cannot. 

    Knowing all of this, parents still think it is A-Ok, to feed a humongous bottle of formula and expect baby to be satisfied for 4+ hours and not cry or be hungry, they expect baby to sleep ALL night long (meaning 12+ hours) and not cry, If they don't comply..then baby is expected to "learn" how to be happy laying in the dark all alone for those 12 hours and not to make a peep or expect mom to fix a thing because she needs her sleep and this tiny baby that doesn't really understand a thing is expected to just do this without a fuss. Baby is taught from birth to use the bathroom in their diaper and then magically at 18 month or 24 months, they should just automatically use the toilet with no accidents and within a day. They have been given a bottle or breast or pacifier since birth and  again, are expected to simply give it up because the parent or society decided that 12 months or sooner it should be gone. The kid again is expected to just drop it immediately. Room-sharing or bed sharing is done for hot minute and expected to be dropped on demand at some other arbitrary age. The kid is expected to play alone and not whine, to not touch anything that is within their reach. And so on and so forth....

     These kids are expected to grow up and mature and do SO much before they are even emotionally or physically ready. As tiny babies it is thrust upon them. Then, around school age, maybe sooner...the switch happens.


     Suddenly, these same kids that were forced and thrust into independence and maturity are treated like invalids. No, you cannot play with that or watch that or go on that playground equipment. No, you cannot be in the yard alone for five seconds. No, you cannot go over to a friends house to play unless I am hovering over you. No, you cannot touch this or do that or think that. 

     I seriously read a story recently about a 12 year old that was home alone when the house was robbed and he called 911 and all was ok. There were SO many comments bad mouthing the mom for leaving him alone and comments asking about calls to CPS. For a TWELVE YEAR OLD!  These are the same people that claim my 17 year old shouldn't be left home alone or allowed to go to a friends house, or to be outside alone. SEVENTEEN...  

    No I have to ask...when did we get so twisted around? How is it that people believe a TINY BABY can "self-soothe" and should be fine alone all night for 12 hours without a peep and no food or changing, and yet also believe that a person cannot be trusted with themselves until after 18?

  This perception needs to change and be flipped...seriously.

The Judicial System Works

     We, as a country, rely on and trust in the judicial system to convict criminals. Having said that, we must also then rely on and trust that same system to acquit people. That is how the system works. Could there be some flaws? Sure. Innocent people will sometimes be convicted and guilty people will sometimes go free. That is the price to pay. Like it or not, once a case is presented before a judge and jury, lawyers have had their say, and jurors have deliberated and a decision is reached...that is it. The system did its job. 

     If you have a problem with how this system works, there are many avenues you can take in order to try and change it. You can write congressmen, senators, and governors.  You can lobby in Washington. You can hold protests. These are things you are allowed and encouraged to do in this country and what this country is about. Everyone is allowed to do so, no one is prevented from it. It is one of the things that make this nation great. These things don't require you to be a certain race, color or creed. 

     What I cannot understand, is why people think it is ok to beat up random strangers because they didn't like the outcome of a trial. Or why it is ok to stalk or wish harm on someone that was put on trial and deemed not guilty. I understand being upset, I can see being mad...but, to stoop below the level of that persons actions in order to "prove a point" or "provide justice" is the epitome of ignorance and hate. This case was tried in a court, facts were presented and a jury found a man not guilty. Case closed. Yet, there are people that are holding on to emotions, to hate and instead of moving on and trying to build us up as a whole nation. There are those that listened purely to media and their views of what happened that were presented in a way to draw attention, emotion and fuel hate. There are those that won't look past that emotion and deal with reality. 

     Don't spend you time trying to live up to stereotypes, let's ditch those labels and live as a whole. Let's put the hate, the media, the hype and the emotions about it behind us and move forward together. 

     The system works and we need to trust in it. If we only follow what the media tells up to follow and only expect outcomes we want to happen and continue to let our emotions and media be our guide in life, we will never move forward and we will continue to remain stagnant and divided. 


While I am on the subject: Zimmerman was not tried under the "Stand Your Ground" law, it was based solely on "self defence". Also, 911 dispatchers are NOT policemen. Therefore, it is not law that you must follow their orders.

SN: Shooting a gun into the air is illegal because the bullet WILL fall back down to Earth and could hit a random person, you are better off shooting an attacker directly in the chest as opposed to firing a warning shot.

Imagine How It Feels...

Ok, today, I need you to put on your imagination caps and come with me while we conduct a little experiment. Are you ready? This might be a little tough on your emotions. I need you to commit fully to this experience.


Imagine you are cozy, warm, full and sleeping...it is normal, not scary and feels "right". Nothing out of place. You have been like this for a while. You know nothing else. You are fine.

Now, someone has yanked you from this peaceful place, wrapped you up, stuck you all alone in a room and left you. You are hungry, cold and scared. You are paralyzed. You cannot recognize the language they speak. You are in a foreign land.

Occasionally, someone comes and gets you and feeds you and cuddles you and talks to you. You are happy. They make sure you are dry, full and warm.

Something happens when it gets dark though...you are back in the room on your back, alone, cold, hungry, scared, uncomfortable and wet. You cannot roll over, you cannot speak, you cannot leave...you are stuck. What do you do? Do you cry? What happens when you cry? Do they come for you? If they come for you, do they soothe you, comfort you, feed you? Do they merely pat you? Do they shush you? What would you like for them to do?

Imagine that this is not you, but, your baby. They come into this world from a warm, cozy place where they are fed constantly, always warm and comfortable. They are near you and can hear you. Now, they are born and at night, you expect them to lie all alone in a dark room, no one to hold them, to feed them, to soothe them. You expect this baby that cannot move, cannot speak, cannot understand to just lay there and sleep, to not cry, to not want help or fed, to not want love...all because it is dark and you want sleep. They DO NOT understand this, they will not understand this until later.

Imagine as an adult thrust into that situation how scared you would be, how long it would take you to feel alright, to learn to sleep all night...and you are an adult. You have understanding, mature emotions and thoughts. Why expect all that and more from a baby? They aren't even capable.

Cry It Out is wrong, sleep training is wrong, expecting a baby to sleep all night is wrong.

A Child Has No Rights.

So apparently, a child has no rights because they are a child. They are humans, they are living breathing souls, but, according to some people, they should not have rights. No rights to privacy, to their own thoughts, own emotions, own space, nothing.

Ok, let's explore the right to privacy...

You believe your child has none. If that is the case, move them into the living room, remove the door off the bathroom and put everything they "own" in a box. Make sure they NEVER have a moment alone. NEVER buy them a diary. In fact, buy a white board and make them pour out their heart and soul onto it and leave it up for the world to see and make the family discuss it at the dinner table. When company comes over, have them pilfer through the box of things and allow them to peruse until they are content. Always stand inside the bathroom with your child while they use it, doesn't matter if they are bathing, pottying...whatever. Take a picture of every movement they make and post it online.

Now, tell me again that your child has "NO right to privacy". Yeah, I do believe they deserve at least a little respect.

A diary should be a safe harbor to write things you wouldn't say to another person, to express feeling that are too hard to share, to release frustrations that can't be acted upon. A way for a sane person to deal with life and emotions. To write silly embarrassing things. Private notes. Special thoughts. Prayers. They are not merely paper to write things for mom to know.

A child is a human, a person and deserves every bit of respect and rights and privacy as you or I. They are not pawns, things to own, less than.

If your child has a private diary, journal, lock box, safe corner...whatever, respect that. Allow them that bit of anonymity, autonomy and privacy. Let them have feelings and emotions separate of yours. Allow them that right to have their innermost private thoughts to be just that, PRIVATE. A child does NOT have to share their every thought or emotion with you. They OWN that thought and all rights to it.

This doesn't just apply to diaries though. It applies to a various and sundry list of things. Though they may be a child that you are in charge of and responsible for, you do NOT own them, nor do you own their feelings, thoughts or emotions. The least you can do is allow them that right.

The Pearls Suck...End Of Story.

Ok, to clarify since some people are just...well, need a "Bless your heart".

I posted a picture earlier that had a collection of stupid books, baby trainers and more on it. One of the pics was of the book, "To train up a child". Someone commented defending them as great folks.

So, I countered and presented her with facts about them directly from their website. NoGreaterJoy.com  It showed their advice of hitting a BABY..like 4-12 months...with "a length of weed eater chord [sic]" if they cry to be picked up and continue until they stop crying and begin to show joy again.

“Please give examples of the kinds of things for which you used the rod, both as a training tool and as punishment, for children were under 12 months.”
We never used the rod to punish a child younger than 12 months. You should read No Greater Joy Volume One and Volume Two. We discussed this subject several times in those two books. For young children, especially during the first year, the rod is used very lightly as a training tool. You use something small and light to get the child’s attention and to reinforce your command. One or two light licks on the bare legs or arms will cause a child to stop in his tracks and regard your commands. A 12-inch piece of weed eater chord works well as a beginner rod. It will fit in your purse or pocket.
Later, a plumber’s supply line is a good spanking tool. You can get it at Wal-Mart or any hardware store. Ask for a plastic, ¼ inch, supply line. They come in different lengths and several colors; so you can have a designer rod to your own taste. They sell for less than $1.00. A baby needs to be trained all day, everyday. It should be a cheerful, directing training, not a correction training. If a 10-month-old plays in the dirt in the flowerpot, a simple swat to the hand accompanied with the command “No,” said in a cheerful but authoritative voice, should be sufficient.
When your 6-month-old baby grabs sister’s hair, while he still has a hand full of hair, swat his hand or arm and say “No, that hurts sister.” If he has already let go of her hair, then put his hand back on her hair, so as to engage his mind in the former action, and then carry on with the hand swatting and the command. If you found your baby trying to stick something in the electrical receptacle, keep his hand on the object and near the receptacle while giving him a few swats on the back of the offending hand, and this to the sound of your rebuke—“No, don’t touch, No, don’t touch.” This time he needs to cry and be upset.
If your 10-month-old is pitching a fit because he wants to be picked up, then you must reinforce your command with a few stinging swats. You are not punishing him; you are causing him to associate his negative behavior with negative consequences. Never reward bad behavior with indifference. Tell the baby “No” and give him a swat. If your response is new, he may be offended and scream louder. But continue your normal activities as if you are unaffected. Wait one minute, and then tell the baby to stop crying. If he doesn’t, again swat him on his bare legs. You don’t need to undress him, turn him over, or make a big deal out of it. Just swat him where any skin is exposed. Continue to act as if you don’t notice the fit. Wait two minutes and repeat. Continue until the baby realizes that this is getting worse not better. Most babies will keep it going for 3 or 4 times and then slide to a sitting position and sob it out. When this happens, it signals a surrender, so give him two minutes to get control and then swoop him up as if the fit never happen and give him a big hug, BUT don’t hold him in the manner he was demanding. Now remove yourself from the area so as to remove him from association with the past event.
Don’t ever hit a small child with your hand. You are too big and the baby is too small. The surface of the skin is where the most nerves are located and where it is easiest to cause pain without any damage to the child. The weight of your hand does little to sting the skin, but can cause bruising or serious damage internally. Babies need training but they do not need to be punished. Never react in anger or frustration. If you loose it, get your self under control before you attempt to discipline a child.

If you read through, you will understand why I hate them with a passion and

why I posted the pictures of the cord and the plumbing line.

I do NOT advocate hitting kids. I posted all of this so you can understand my

stand and why I feel the way I do...

I Lost My A/P Parenting Card To Honey Boo Boo

So, apparently, since I run a page supporting natural, gentle, A/P parenting and that means I must be "on" at all times and NEVER diviate from the "Perfect, Holier-Than-Thou" persona at any time. I must ALWAYS post things pertaining to Natural, Gentle, A/P parenting and never make mention of any activities, thoughts, actions, desires, want, needs or anything else that falls outside of Sanctimommy A/P bounderies. Because no one EVER sees the good things I post and always latch on to the one thing not A/P and will follow that thought to the absolute hilt and never waiver. Seriously folks, you need to get a life.

About Honey Boo Boo taking my A/P card:

 I have seen a few episodes, but, I like Alana and Mama June and Sugar Bear. Why? They are genuine, down to earth and love each other. They are ACCEPTING (unlike many horrible A/P Crunchy moms). They do things as a family unit. They overlook flaws. Sure, they eat some shitty foods. They have no manners at home...but, I don't have manners in my own home all the time. I mean, I DO burp and fart. Maybe A/P moms don't? I dunno....

Anyway, yesterday, I posted something about them with the caption, "I like them. I don't even care." ZOMG...that got some people all freaked the eff out. "I like them"...and put them on my page and apparently, that translates into, "Ignore EVERYTHING else in the world...follow this family and do as they do because I comepletely endose them as the worlds most perfect examples of A/P parenting."

Really folks?!?! Really?

Some lady literally, threatened to post my page to all media outlets, to write up a story for NBC news based on this exchange and let me know she had screenshots. Um...chick don't realize people screenshot our page all day everyday. LOL I also am going to go out on a limb and guess that the world doesn't care if I like Honey Boo Boo or not and they for sure don't give a rats ass about my page and my thoughts enough to give a damn what "Mrs. NBC Writer" has to say about me. Friggin laughable. That's what that is. According to her and a few others, I should lose my A/P advocate card and "hang it up" and no longer advocate for babies since I "like" this family. WTF?!?!

Let me explain something to you kind people...The tenants of A/P don't say a thing about Honey Boo Boo or Reality TV or anything close to it...Let me refresh your memory:

"Per Dr. Sears' theory of attachment parenting (AP), proponents such as the API attempt to foster a secure bond with their children by promoting eight principles which are identified as goals for parents to strive for. These eight principles are:^{[citation needed]}

1. Preparation for Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting
2. Feed with Love and Respect
3. Respond with Sensitivity
4. Use Nurturing Touch
5. Ensure Safe Sleep, Physically and Emotionally
6. Provide Consistent Loving Care
7. Practice Positive Discipline
8. Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life

These values are interpreted in a variety of ways. Many attachment parents also choose to live a natural family living (NFL) lifestyle, such as natural childbirth, home birth, stay-at-home parenting, co-sleeping, breastfeeding, babywearing, homeschooling, unschooling, the anti-circumcision movement, natural health, cooperative movements, paleolithic lifestyle, naturism and support of organic and local foods.
However, Dr. Sears does not require a parent to strictly follow any set of rules, instead encouraging parents to be creative in responding to their child's needs. Attachment parenting, outside the guise of Dr. Sears, focuses on responses that support secure attachments."



Would ya lookit that? No mention of what I am allowed to watch, like, endorse or mention. Wosers...I guess that means I DO get to keep my card after all. Too bad some people can't see past their FWCC Petrol Pfau to see all the other mommas around them with Ergos. You know, stuck up, snooty Sanctimonious, I'm completely and perfectly crunchy and do it ALL...and you totally do the same thing on a lesser scale, but, aren't worth my time with your Cosco Sceneca..I have a Cleck Foonf because it cost the most type moms. Yeah...

My UNcensored thoughts(*WARNING* Foul language and bound to offend)

.






Why is it if say extended rearfacing is mentioned and a mom doesn't want to hear about it, we get told, "There are different parenting styles". Um, I call BULLSHIT...wanting your kid safe is not a parenting "STYLE". Rearfacing IS safer. That is FACT not mere opinion. All you have to do is research it to find out, but, these "other style" of moms can't be arsed to bother. They would rather call everyone else a "crazy, AP, over protective mom". Uh huh...fine, I guess I will accept that title if it means my kid is fucking safer. Ok then, that's me, "crazy, AP over-protective mom". Whatever. 


Parenting styles that differ are those that hover their child when they are climbing on the jungle gym and those that don't. Those are parenting styles..things that wouldn't really matter wither way. Not choosing to do something potentially dangerous or not dangerous. 


Using CIO or not using CIO...ok, if there wasn't studies out that PROVE that a baby all alone in a room crying for hours until they give out and pass out was bad for their brains, then this could be called different parenting styles...but, since it can't. Don't tell me that allowing your under 2 month old to cry for even 30 minutes with you nowhere in sight is just your way of parenting. Again, I call bullshit. You just can't be arsed to parent at night. Oh and I am not talking about those that took care of baby's needs, that are actively involved. I am referring to the, "I need sleep. Let baby cry...he will fall asleep." folks. 


If you put cereal in the baby bottle to "help them sleep", or you prop the bottle up "so you can do stuff". That is NOT just a different parenting style than me. Again...I call BULLSHIT!! Cereal in a bottle is wrong. There ARE warnings against it because it is a choking hazard and if your kid can't eat it off a spoon, they aren't ready for solids. Again...all FACT. You just don't care to learn and don't want to care. You can't be arsed to research and learn and care. And don't give me the, "my baby has reflux" spiel. Did you know that the cereal in a bottle remedy is an OLD outdated one? Yeah...feed baby smaller amounts frequently instead of massive bottles and reflux can generally be helped. Try it. 


I know...I haven't been in your shoes..blah, blah, blah.


Nope... he slept with me, I fed bottles by HOLDING him, even at night. Every 4 hours. Well, that was after the first month where I nurse 2 straight hours. Stopped for 30 minutes then he nursed another 2 hours. Yeah...24/7. 


He would drink a bottle every 4 hours, he slept all night long from 3 months because he knew I was there and would happily get up and feed him. There was no cereal in his bottle ever either. 


Now, is that to say I am perfect and I never did anything wrong. NOPE...
I did plenty wrong. I turned him forward facing at 6 months. BUT, that was before there was even a 1 and 20 law or internet or extended rearfacing researched here in the US. The law was 20lbs at the time and I turned him, but, I did use a 5-point harness and I did keep him in a seat longer than everyone else.


My next kid...will be rearfaced until the max of his seat, will sleep with me and NEVER CIO, and won't have a bottle at all if I can help it. Why? Because I am adult enough to research, to see where I went wrong and try better. To acknowledge that my way was wrong and there are better ways. I have the ability to research and change and understand and not be caught up in my pride. 




The thing is...I WILL continue to try and educate those that care to know about these things and you can continue to ignore it. BUT don't you dare try to excuse your unwillingness as merely a different parenting style. Tell it like it is, you just don't care to know better and I will still be here when you do decide to care.

Newtown, Connecticut Tribute 12/14/12

The names and birth dates of the victims:

Charlotte Bacon (2/22/06), 6 years old, female

Daniel Barden (9/25/05), 7 years old, male

Rachel Davino (7/17/83), Staff member, 29 years old, female

Olivia Engel (7/18/06), 6 years old, female

Josephine Gay (12/11/05), 7 years old, female

Ana M. Marquez-Greene (4/4/06), 6 years old, female

Dylan Hockley (3/8/06), 6 years old, male

Dawn Hochsprung (6/28/65), Principal, 47 years old, female

Madeleine F. Hsu (7/10/06), 6 years old, female

Catherine V. Hubbard (6/8/06), 6 years old, female

Chase Kowalski (10/31/05), 7 years old, male

Nancy Lanza, 52 years old, female (mother of shooter Adam Lanza)

Jesse Lewis (6/30/06), 6 years old, male

James Mattioli (03/22/06), 6 years old, male

Grace McDonnell (11/4/05), 7 years old, female

Anne Marie Murphy (7/25/60), Staff member, 52 years old, female

Emilie Parker (05/12/06), 6 years old, female

Jack Pinto (05/05/06), 6 years old, male

Noah Pozner (11/20/06), 6 years old, male

Caroline Previdi (9/07/06), 6 years old, female

Jessica Rekos (5/10/06), 6 years old, female

Avielle Richman (11/17/06) 6 years old, female

Lauren Rousseau (June 1982), Staff member, 30 years old, female

Mary Sherlach (2/11/56), Staff member, 56 years old, female

Victoria Soto (11/04/85), Staff member, 27 years old, female

Benjamin Wheeler (09/12/06), 6 years old, male

Allison N. Wyatt (07/03/06), 6 years old, female

GUEST POST!!! That Mama Gretchen ~ "Why We Will Be Waiving the Hepatitis B Vaccine"

"This post was originally published at That Mama Gretchen"





source

As soon as most American babies are earth side they are poked with their first vaccination - Hepatitis B in accordance with the CDC recommendation. This at-birth vaccination is the first of three shots for Hepatitis B. Some resources claim that the three shots provide a lifetime of protection, others believe the immunity provided by vaccination is short-lived stating that, "Between 30-50% of vaccinated individuals may lose their antibodies within 7 years."  

So why is this seemingly controversial vaccine routine for newborns? The CDC website simply states, "to protect against Hepatitis B". But are the majority of newborn babies truly at risk of contracting Hepatitis B?

Often times, the answer is a resounding, "No!" Of course, as with all vaccine decisions choosing to waive the Hepatitis B vaccine is a case by case scenario. Each family must research and determine their individual risk before coming to their own conclusion. In our case, neither Jemma or baby brother will be vaccinated for Hepatitis B as newborns.

Here's why ...

WHAT IS HEPATITIS B?
Hepatitis B is an awful virus which plagues many people around the world, many of whom are children. Hepatitis B is caused by the hepatitis B virus (HBV). The virus interferes with the functions of the liver and activates the immune system, which produces a specific reaction to combat the virus. As a consequence of pathological damage, the liver becomes inflamed. A small percentage of infected people cannot get rid of the virus and become chronically infected – these people are at high risk of death from cirrhosis of the liver and liver cancer.

Most people who contract Hepatitis B experience flu-like symptoms and recover on their own without medical intervention. It is a small percentage who experience chronic issues.

HOW IS IT CONTRACTED?
For us, this information was the biggest contributor to our decision. Hepatitis B can be contracted from:

• Prenatally, from mama to baby - if mama has it, baby may get it too
• Unsafe needle use - drugs, unsterilized needle use, blood transfusions, etc.
• Unprotected sexual contact
• Sharing personal products (razors, etc.) with an infected person

Our family doesn't fall into any of these risks, and therefore, the risk of the vaccine is greater than the risk of contracting the Hepatitis B virus.

WHAT IS THE RISK OF THE VACCINE?

• In 1996 only 54 cases of the disease were reported to the CDC in the 0-1 age group.
• That year there were 3.9 million births, making the infected percentage just 0.001.
• That same year the Vaccine Adverse Event Reporting System (VAERS) logged 1,080 negative reports for the 0-1 age group, 47 of which were death.

Simply, for every child with Hepatitis B there were 20 that were reported to have severe complications. And, in most cases, only 10% of adverse reactions are reported to VAERS which means ... Traditional medicine is harming 200 children to protect one from Hepatitis B. 

Adverse reactions range from diarrhea to nausea to allergic reactions to seizures.  All of which can be life threatening to a tiny newborn.

I hope this information is helpful for new parents as they evaluate their family's personal vaccine plan. It is amazing to me that someone somewhere thought it would be a good idea to vaccinate all newborns for what is commonly known as an STD. I'm thankful such a vaccine exists, some people do need it! Who knows, my children may need it someday based on circumstances, mistakes, or travel, but at birth, they surely do not. As a parent, it is my job to research and screen what my children come in contact with whether it be something influential like particular TV shows or something potentially harmful or unnecessary like vaccinations. It takes time and energy to research these details. It even takes a little bit of guts to share my findings and decision with you! But I'm happy to do it, for my children's sake and for the benefit of sharing knowledge amongst parents striving to do the very best in caring for their children.

For us, the Hepatitis B vaccine will definitely be waived, verbally with our care providers and in writing on my birth plan. What are your thoughts on the Hepatitis B vaccine?

iv class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> Gretchen is the mama of two little ones, Jemma and Max, and the wife to one fabulous husband. Almost 3 years ago she started blogging at That Mama Gretchen when she was expecting her first baby and working full-time in marketing and sales. Since, she has become a stay at home mama who blogs all about her passion for birth and natural parenting … all while chasing a toddler, snuggling a newborn, whipping up simple meals, and trying to get dressed everyday.

GUEST POST!!! That Mama Gretchen ~ "The Placenta Report"

This post was originally published at "That Mama Gretchen"

Check out this rad button?

I'm going to give you all fair warning on this post. If you aren't feeling the placenta love - read no further. I know I have some family and friend readers who might think twice about our relationship after the placenta report. Then again, I know I have some super crunchy mama friends who will be utterly fascinated like me.

And now, the report ...
I'm three weeks into my placenta consumption and feeling great! I'm not going to give all the credit to my placenta, but I'm givin' her alot. Yes, I've determined that my placenta is female. The non-placenta credit goes to Dominic and my Mama who have been super supporters of my transition from pregnancy to postpartum - lots of yummy food, hugs, and help with the wee ones.

Here's how it all went down ...
After birthing my placenta a solid 40 minutes after Max was born on the bathroom floor, we moved the bowl and placenta into the bath tub. I got stitched up, settled into bed, and then midwife Kat gave Dominic and I a placenta tour. This not only allowed her to make sure everything was fully intact, but it gave us a chance to check out the amazing organ that nourished Max for so long. Luckily, Christine was there to capture the tour in photographs.

Kat wrapped my placenta up in plastic, took it home, and proceeded to encapsulate it. Encapsulating is a process similar to drying and curing meat, so when it is done, it's almost like beef jerky. Then, Kat diced, minced, and pulverized my placenta into a dust and poured the dust into tiny pills. She delivered them to me Friday evening (Max was born Thursday morning) so I could start taking them right away. In the beginning I took 25-30 pills each day; now I'm down to 5-10 each day. I was taking so many because Kat special ordered mini pills for me (size 2s instead of the normal size 0 or 00). I stink at taking larger pills - like, I tragically gag and Dominic can't stop laughing at how pathetic I am. Kat found them through Super Supplements for mamas like me who are interested in encapsulating, but have pill gagging issues.

My jar of pills

I'll definitely encapsulate with future pregnancies. The benefits can't be beat and for $150 it is a worthwhile investment in my sanity. I've found my mood to be quite normal. Whatever that means :) I'm not very teary - I think I've only cried three or four times compared to multiple times each day with my first postpartum experience. I feel overwhelmed, but positive. My milk came in at 36 hours compared to 3 days with Jemma. And, when it came in, it was much calmer and more gradual ... not the painful experience I had with Jem where I was bawling in the shower. I think the biggest clincher was my when my Mom told me that she feels I'm doing really well. She sees a difference which makes me think I'm not making up the placenta awesomeness :)

Here's my first post on placentas for those that missed it. I opted to skip the smoothie and go straight for the pills; more due to timing and respect for my Mom's Vitamix than anything else :)

And, some additional resources that I've enjoyed reading:

• Code Name: Mama - Placenta Smoothie Recipe
• Carolina Placenta Lady - Placenta Smoothie Recipe
• Placenta Encapsulation Instructions
• Placentophagia 

Gretchen is the mama of two little ones, Jemma and Max, and the wife to one fabulous husband. Almost 3 years ago she started blogging at That Mama Gretchen when she was expecting her first baby and working full-time in marketing and sales. Since, she has become a stay at home mama who blogs all about her passion for birth and natural parenting … all while chasing a toddler, snuggling a newborn, whipping up simple meals, and trying to get dressed everyday.

GUEST POST!! That Mama Gretchen!!! "TIPS FOR CREATING A BIRTH GUIDE"

This post was originally published at "That Mama Gretchen"

 

I bet your britches you're asking WHY create a birth plan in the first place. Well, here are my initial thoughts:

• First off, call it a birth guide (or birth preferences), because that's what it is. A birth guide outlines your hopes and wishes for the best possible birth while taking into account potential rabbit trails.
• A birth guide gives mamas control in an often unknown journey.
• It ensures that your "most importants" are explicitly communicated.
• It gives your partner a quick reference. Lord knows Dominic doesn't want to memorize all my hopes and wishes :)

With all that in mind, here are a few tips for creating a birth guide:

WRITE AND REWRITE
When you sit down to write your birth guide, travel back to college and go with the rough draft/work in progress mentality. The first round shouldn't be the last. Once you punch out your initial thoughts have your partner review it. Make adjustments and plan to discuss what you've come up with at your next prenatal appointment. Many times your care provider will ask thought provoking questions and add necessary details. Once you develop your final guide, present a copy to your provider for your file and their reference. It doesn't hurt to ask them to sign it as well! Then there is no doubt you are on the same page.

BE SUCCINCT
Yes, I'm the one who could write a novel with helpful graphs and photos as my birth guide. But, I'm sticking to one page using bullets and simple sentences. I also plan to write a "In Case of Transfer/Hospital Birth Guide", but that is a separate document.

BE PERSONAL
Attitude and tone are super important in a birth guide. You're not the expert (that's why you are partnering with your care provider), but you are an informed parent who is responsible for the final decisions made for mama and baby's health. Birth plans are becoming increasingly popular and I'm assuming many care providers see the same thing day in and day out. Don't be afraid to make your guide personal - fun and witty or add a picture or two. If it stands out to them, I think there is a higher likelihood that they'll pay attention to your requests.

COVER THE BASICS
Consider including the following categories in your guide:

• Environment - lighting, temperature, music, number of people in the room
• Labor - procedure preferences, eating/drinking plan, comfort methods
• Birth - preferred position, access to a mirror, who will be present, cord clamping, skin-to-skin, placenta plan
• Postpartum Recovery - breastfeeding, duration of stay, rooming in, baby bathing, visitors
• In Case of Emergency or Cesarean - who stays with mom and who goes with baby, reuniting

ADD A DISCLAIMER
You may or may not need this little tidbit. But, some of my birth guide requests are less common and I want to remove the crazy factor for those who might be more mainstream. This especially applies to my hospital guide. It will go something like this:

If the situation becomes life-threatening for Gretchen or our baby, we will of course yield to any request for life-saving intervention, upon the briefest of consultation. In the strong likelihood that we have the normal birth that we are expecting, we ask that you refrain from any routine interventions or measures that we have not previously agreed upon. 

Thanks to Hypnobabies for the eloquent wording!

SHARE IT
Birth guides aren't just for parents and care providers. It is important to include your support team so they are informed of your wishes too. Share your plan with family and friends who will be intimately involved in the birth of your baby. Especially those who will be visiting shortly after. You want them to know that some of your wishes extend through your recovery. A birth guide is a great communication tool that allows everyone to be on the same page.

CONSIDER A NEWBORN PROCEDURE GUIDE
There is quite a bit of commotion after baby's arrival. If newborn procedures don't fit into your one page birth guide, don't hesitate to have a newborn procedure guide. Having an outline of preferences and procedures specific to this time is key to continuing the vibe you hope to establish for your birth.

Have you written a birth guide? 

What were some of your key points? I'd love to hear!

 
Still questioning whether or not a birth guide is for you? Read Adriel from The Mommyhood Memos post, 4 Reasons to Write a Birth Plan. It's excellent! 

Gretchen is the mama of two little ones, Jemma and Max, and the wife to one fabulous husband. Almost 3 years ago she started blogging at That Mama Gretchen when she was expecting her first baby and working full-time in marketing and sales. Since, she has become a stay at home mama who blogs all about her passion for birth and natural parenting … all while chasing a toddler, snuggling a newborn, whipping up simple meals, and trying to get dressed everyday.

Nursing covers...just because you want to wear one, doesn't mean it needs to look like Omar the Tent Maker made it.

I'M NURSING DISCREETLY...YOU CAN'T SEE A BIT OF SKIN AND NO ONE CAN TELL WHAT I AM DOING BECAUSE I COVERED UP!!!!!

What the fuck is this?

You could live in this thing!!

There are some smaller options if you really want one...

An UdderCover is slightly less noticeable and ridiculous.

The Loved Baby Shawl is kinda cute.

This is the Moboleez.

And here is a Baby Bond..Simple, Discreet and NOT ridiculously Ginormous.

Hell, a shirt over a tank and just for shits and giggles, a receiving blanket would do the job. Please don't fall for the HUGE ass tent thinking it will make life easier.

GUEST POST!!!!! "The Mommy Wars" ~ Teresa Graham Brett

Teresa Graham Brett is a coach(link: http://www.parentingforsocialchange.com/parent-coaching.html) consultant, and author who founded Parenting for Social Change (link: http://www.ParentingforSocialChange.com) in 2009. Bringing together her experiences in higher education as a social justice educator, trainer, and administrator with her experiences coaching parents, she provides parents with transformative learning programs that help them to parent with trust and respect. She is the author of Parenting for Social Change: Transform Childhood, Transform the World (link: http://www.parentingforsocialchange.com/about-book.html) and the Guide to Liberation Parenting (link: http://www.parentingforsocialchange.com/guide-liberation-parenting.html)

The Mommy Wars

I had a recent conversation with several college-aged women about my identity as a mother and my identity as a woman. It has been over 10 years since I took on the role of being a mother. But I claimed the title “mom” with a great deal of reluctance.

When I became pregnant, I was in the middle of my career (or so I thought) as a university administrator. My first encounter with the liability of being pregnant and being a mom came during a conversation with my female boss about taking on additional responsibilities in my role as associate dean.

During the conversation, I revealed to her that I was pregnant. Her response to me was that perhaps we should wait to see how my pregnancy went before giving me additional responsibilities. If I had a difficult pregnancy, then I would not be able to handle what she was proposing I take on.

That was my first skirmish in the mommy wars.

I soon decided that I needed to start looking to go to another university. It became clear to me that I had hit the limits of my ability to move up in my career in my current situation. I started a job search when I was about 4 months pregnant.

The dean of students position became available at one of the universities I had always wanted to work at, the University of Texas at Austin. I applied without hesitation. When the time came for me to interview on campus. I was 8 months pregnant.

I flew down to Austin believing that there was little chance I would be hired given that I was so pregnant. I gave the 2 ½ day interview my all and decided to let the chips fall where they may.

My second skirmish in the mommy wars came during the interview. I sat in the dean of students’ office with the interim dean. This was a man who was holding the job until a permanent replacement was hired.

He looked down at my belly and told me three times during the 45-minute interview that this job was a 24/7 job. It was clear he didn’t feel I was up to the job, considering my state.

My new boss felt otherwise and offered me the job. We moved to Texas. My boss, all my peers (the other associate vice presidents) were all men, who either had no children or who had older or grown children. I was 12-18 years younger than all of them, and I had a newborn baby.

During the time I was there, I pumped for 2 years. I was nursing the entire time I was there. I left work occasionally at 4 p.m. to nurse him and returned to the office when I had a late program. I worked 60+ hours a week. I was on call for emergencies 24/7.

How often I pumped, when I left the office and returned in the evenings, the fact that Rob and the baby accompanied me to some social functions, the fact that Rob stayed at home and we didn’t hire a babysitter while I did the evening and weekend functions solo, were all topics of gossip and conversation.

Daily skirmishes in the mommy wars.

When I decided to leave that career, even after being offered the top position in my field, vice president for student affairs, I received a call from another woman, a generation older, who I had considered an ally. She chastised me for thinking that another baby would get in the way of my job.

I realized that my experiences in academia as a woman, a mom, had kept me from claiming that title. Even as I wrote this website and my book, Parenting for Social Change, I rarely used the word mom or mother. I always used the gender neutral term “parent.”

I had internalized the belief that being a mom is not enough, or that it is a liability. Moms are not given respect in our culture. Moms who stay at home with their children are not valued. The unpaid work done by mothers is not seen as contributing to the family in the same way that paid work is.

I had bought into those lies.

The real war that I was fighting wasn’t with those around me. They only mirrored to me my insecurities. They mirrored the beliefs I had internalized, that I was less when I was a mom.

Even since I left my career, I have believed, at times, that I am less valuable to my family because I don’t make the same amount of money now as a consultant, author, or coach as I did as a dean of students. I have believed that I am not as worthy.

And yet, in my heart, I know that the work I do in my role as a mother with the children who share my life will have a greater impact that any work I did at the university.

My willingness to parent, to mother, in a way that affirms their dignity and rights will create more change than the many years I tried to create social change in any of my university positions.

As a culture, we value the big actions, the titles, the positions of power. We believe that is where the change is occurring. We believe that is where we most influence those around us.

And yet, it is in our small day-to-day actions, the ways we live our lives congruent with the values of mutual respect and trust that really matters.

It is the ways we hold ourselves accountable for our mistakes and learning that really makes change over the long term.

It is the ways in which we empower the children in our lives, as moms and dads, that results in a better world.

The mommy wars are over for me. Mostly.

I still sometimes struggle with the identity. I still sometimes think my value is reflected in the money I bring to the family. At least now when those thoughts come into my head, I understand where they come from. And, I let them pass on through to their next destination.

GUEST POST!!! "Children Are The Mirror" ~ Teresa Graham Brett

Teresa Graham Brett is a coach(link: http://www.parentingforsocialchange.com/parent-coaching.html) consultant, and author who founded Parenting for Social Change (link: http://www.ParentingforSocialChange.com) in 2009. Bringing together her experiences in higher education as a social justice educator, trainer, and administrator with her experiences coaching parents, she provides parents with transformative learning programs that help them to parent with trust and respect. She is the author of Parenting for Social Change: Transform Childhood, Transform the World (link: http://www.parentingforsocialchange.com/about-book.html) and the Guide to Liberation Parenting (link: http://www.parentingforsocialchange.com/guide-liberation-parenting.html)

Children are the Mirror

I have often said to myself and others in the last 5 years that whatever we are triggered by in others is usually a reflection of something we are unwilling to face within ourselves. Of course, I wasn't the first person to say this. Many spiritual traditions, such as Buddhism, espouse such a belief.

Over the last several years I’ve struggled with my relationship with money. This struggle has been on-going throughout my life, but when I worked in my career as a university administrator, I was often able to keep it at bay.

When I left the “safe” world of the institution where I received a regular paycheck, I’ve had to confront this struggle at a deeper level. I’ve known that I am constrained by my fears and beliefs about money. But for whatever reason, I haven’t been willing to look at it until recently.

As the youngest child in my life has grown, he has been my mirror for all the challenges I have about money and the decisions I made as the person who used to be (and often still is) the primary income earner in our family.

I made a decision to challenge myself to squarely face my fears and what I believe about money within myself. When I go into that place of being fearful, I usually feel it in my stomach. So when my stomach starts to hurt and I tense up around some financial issue, this has been my cue to take a pause and explore the beliefs and feelings I’ve been avoiding.

One evening, he began collecting spare change and asked me to give him some money to go get a toy. I asked him to give me a few minutes to think as I began to feel that familiar pain in my stomach.

I lay on the bed and decided to invite the fear to come out of hiding. I just said to myself things like "I need to let myself feel this" and "I invite and welcome this feeling and fear into my consciousness."

It took about 10 minutes of embracing the feelings of fear and the pain in my stomach for the answer to break through the surface.

By inviting the fear in, I realized how I believe that I always make bad decisions about money. Growing up I would hear my mother say this about my father. I feared that I was like my father and couldn't handle money.

The fear that whatever decision I made about money was a bad one was one that constantly lived in my subconscious. Whether it was giving him $10 to spend on a toy, or my decision to buy something to eat for myself when I was out of the house and hungry, or my decision to add a second bedroom onto our small house.

Every decision I made about money, no matter how trivial, was connected to my belief that I always made bad decisions. I even remember how as a teenager, I would question my own decisions believing that I was bound to screw it up.

These decisions were not always about money. I’ve lived in this confusion on a daily basis. I remember many times how I would ask for clarity from others. I would call Rob on the phone or talk in person with him about a decision I was trying to make.

I would question every decision I made no matter how small and he would show up and be my mirror. He would mirror back to me my belief that I could not do it right.

And in that fear and lie, I would be triggered.

It kept me from seeing what he was doing was just the desire of a four year-old child wanting money to buy a toy. Instead I saw his actions as a confirmation of how much I had screwed up in my life. That is quite a burden for a four year-old to carry.

Realizing that I lived in fear of making a decision about money, because I knew I would mess it up, was a big one for me. And, as soon as the realization hit me, my stomach pain went away. I felt this weight lifted off of me. I brought out from my subconscious this belief that undermined me and which I used to punish myself. By bringing it out of hiding, I released a lot of its hold on me.

This break-through allowed me to be present with him around his desire to go buy a new toy in a way I had rarely experienced. I could make a decision and not have it be clouded by my self-imposed confusion.

I could make a decision and not have it be tied to my underlying belief that I always made bad decisions. And, because I made bad decisions, I would pass this trait onto him. That's a whole lot of twisted crap floating around!

Your issue may not be money. But there may be ways in which the children in your life reflect your fears. The situation you hate to enter into with them, because it is rife with conflict, may be because you are holding on to some deep beliefs (or lies) that keep you from being clear and present.

What are the lies you are holding onto about yourself and how do those manifest in your relationships with the children in your life?

It can be a challenge to go deeper and allow the fear to surface. The fear may be rooted in some very traumatic experiences you had as a child. The depth of that pain may make us even more afraid to allow it come to the surface. You may need some support to allow yourself to go there.

But, if we choose not to go deeper, how might we be impacting our current relationships? How might our actions today be influenced by what we choose not to look at in our past?

When we avoid the pain and fear, it maintains it's hold on us. The people in our lives, especially children, bring that fear and anxiety to the surface. If we choose not to face it within ourselves, we can easily project it on to them.

Our lack of clarity, our confusion, our unwillingness to go deeper and expand our awareness of ourselves, directly impacts our relationships with children.

Our work, then, is to face our fears and uncover the trigger. This "work" is really not work in the traditional sense. It is about love and acceptance of all the parts of our experiences, past and present. It is an honoring of those things we have hidden away. It is a love of what those experiences and feelings have to teach us.

Ultimately, it is about loving ourselves unconditionally, just as we hope to do with the children in our lives.