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Saturday, September 10, 2011

You're A Bad Mom...

What makes someone a bad mom? Is it someone who circumcises their son? Is it someone that formula feeds their kids? What about someone that nurses their child until 4? Well?

It seems like everywhere I turn, someone is being called a bad mom. This happens no matter what kind of group of moms you're dealing with. If you are with the "non-AP, non Crunchy moms" then any mom that wears her baby or co-sleeps or nurses past 6 months to a year is a "bad" mom. If you are with the "AP/Crunchy" moms, then, you are a bad mom if you spank, have your child in a separate room or push them in a stroller. Then, both sides gang up if you forward face at one, need a c-section or CIO.

So, here is my these make someone a "BAD" mom or do they make them a different mom? Maybe in your eyes it makes them uneducated and maybe you are right, but, does it make them "BAD"? 

What if someone does everything "RIGHT" in your eyes, except one thing. Does that make them a "BAD" mom? What if a mom spend quality time with her kids, loves them, never neglects them, feeds them, clothes them...does everything "RIGHT", but, chooses to do one of the things off you "BAD" mom list? Is she bad?

I see perfectly wonderful moms berated everyday because they chose something different than the rest. Somehow people seem to think you must follow this straight and narrow path that they are on or you have totally failed as a mom. It doesn't seem to matter that you excel in EVERY other area imaginable, just the one "flaw" they see makes you "terrible". It doesn't matter if that choice was made after research and compromise. 

So, what makes an actual BAD mom...

A mom that verbally abuses her kids NONSTOP.
A mom that beats her kids in anger to cause pain
A mom that neglects her kids
A mom that starves her kids
A mom that cages her kids
A mom that never talks to her kid

I could go on, but, I think you get the drift. There ARE bad moms. Those that just choose one little thing different than you even if you feel extremely passionate about it is NOT a bad mom. I don't NOT care what it is. Let's please keep this in mind when dealing with moms online. Let's not put moms down and belittle and berate them for their choices. You can educate without the nastiness. You can tolerate without nastiness. Let's live in peace online.


  1. I too agree. We need, as mothers and women, to stop ganging up on one another. We need to work together and support each other.

  2. I agree! I don't fit either catagory. I gave birth in a hospitol, both my boys ate circumcised, but I breast feed till they decide to stop( my first quit right at a year and my second is still going after a year.) I am nursing my second while pregnat with my third. My first slept in a crib my second cosleeps. I sometimes babywear sometimes he rids in a stroller. My first ate babyfood and we did.babyled weaning when he was ready for.solids. My second would not.go near babyfood (store bought or homemade ) so we only did ba glee weaning. I used. Disposable diapers. The thing is everychild and every family is different. You have to find what works for you and your child. What works for one may not work for the next. I treat them as individuals and follow.their cues on what they need.

  3. I got so sick of the judging I started cataloguing the reasons why I'm a bad mom! (and I am not crunchy AT ALL.) I totally agree - less judging and more supporting, preferably with a nice glass of wine!

  4. How refreshing this article is! Thank you! I'm sharing it. :)