Backwards World!

     

     Today's society has their parenting all sorts of backwards...

     First, you have this new baby. A baby that is in all sense of the word: Helpless. They cannot get fed, go potty, change clothes, change positions...can't do ANYTHING without your help. They have a teeny, tiny stomach that needs tiny amounts of food VERY often. They have no clue about time, about wake and sleep cycles, about feelings or anything else. The most they know is that nursing is awesome, mom cuddles are great and that if something isn't right, crying is their only option to get someone to fix what they cannot. 

    Knowing all of this, parents still think it is A-Ok, to feed a humongous bottle of formula and expect baby to be satisfied for 4+ hours and not cry or be hungry, they expect baby to sleep ALL night long (meaning 12+ hours) and not cry, If they don't comply..then baby is expected to "learn" how to be happy laying in the dark all alone for those 12 hours and not to make a peep or expect mom to fix a thing because she needs her sleep and this tiny baby that doesn't really understand a thing is expected to just do this without a fuss. Baby is taught from birth to use the bathroom in their diaper and then magically at 18 month or 24 months, they should just automatically use the toilet with no accidents and within a day. They have been given a bottle or breast or pacifier since birth and  again, are expected to simply give it up because the parent or society decided that 12 months or sooner it should be gone. The kid again is expected to just drop it immediately. Room-sharing or bed sharing is done for hot minute and expected to be dropped on demand at some other arbitrary age. The kid is expected to play alone and not whine, to not touch anything that is within their reach. And so on and so forth....

     These kids are expected to grow up and mature and do SO much before they are even emotionally or physically ready. As tiny babies it is thrust upon them. Then, around school age, maybe sooner...the switch happens.


     Suddenly, these same kids that were forced and thrust into independence and maturity are treated like invalids. No, you cannot play with that or watch that or go on that playground equipment. No, you cannot be in the yard alone for five seconds. No, you cannot go over to a friends house to play unless I am hovering over you. No, you cannot touch this or do that or think that. 

     I seriously read a story recently about a 12 year old that was home alone when the house was robbed and he called 911 and all was ok. There were SO many comments bad mouthing the mom for leaving him alone and comments asking about calls to CPS. For a TWELVE YEAR OLD!  These are the same people that claim my 17 year old shouldn't be left home alone or allowed to go to a friends house, or to be outside alone. SEVENTEEN...  

    No I have to ask...when did we get so twisted around? How is it that people believe a TINY BABY can "self-soothe" and should be fine alone all night for 12 hours without a peep and no food or changing, and yet also believe that a person cannot be trusted with themselves until after 18?

  This perception needs to change and be flipped...seriously.

The Judicial System Works

     We, as a country, rely on and trust in the judicial system to convict criminals. Having said that, we must also then rely on and trust that same system to acquit people. That is how the system works. Could there be some flaws? Sure. Innocent people will sometimes be convicted and guilty people will sometimes go free. That is the price to pay. Like it or not, once a case is presented before a judge and jury, lawyers have had their say, and jurors have deliberated and a decision is reached...that is it. The system did its job. 

     If you have a problem with how this system works, there are many avenues you can take in order to try and change it. You can write congressmen, senators, and governors.  You can lobby in Washington. You can hold protests. These are things you are allowed and encouraged to do in this country and what this country is about. Everyone is allowed to do so, no one is prevented from it. It is one of the things that make this nation great. These things don't require you to be a certain race, color or creed. 

     What I cannot understand, is why people think it is ok to beat up random strangers because they didn't like the outcome of a trial. Or why it is ok to stalk or wish harm on someone that was put on trial and deemed not guilty. I understand being upset, I can see being mad...but, to stoop below the level of that persons actions in order to "prove a point" or "provide justice" is the epitome of ignorance and hate. This case was tried in a court, facts were presented and a jury found a man not guilty. Case closed. Yet, there are people that are holding on to emotions, to hate and instead of moving on and trying to build us up as a whole nation. There are those that listened purely to media and their views of what happened that were presented in a way to draw attention, emotion and fuel hate. There are those that won't look past that emotion and deal with reality. 

     Don't spend you time trying to live up to stereotypes, let's ditch those labels and live as a whole. Let's put the hate, the media, the hype and the emotions about it behind us and move forward together. 

     The system works and we need to trust in it. If we only follow what the media tells up to follow and only expect outcomes we want to happen and continue to let our emotions and media be our guide in life, we will never move forward and we will continue to remain stagnant and divided. 


While I am on the subject: Zimmerman was not tried under the "Stand Your Ground" law, it was based solely on "self defence". Also, 911 dispatchers are NOT policemen. Therefore, it is not law that you must follow their orders.

SN: Shooting a gun into the air is illegal because the bullet WILL fall back down to Earth and could hit a random person, you are better off shooting an attacker directly in the chest as opposed to firing a warning shot.

Imagine How It Feels...

Ok, today, I need you to put on your imagination caps and come with me while we conduct a little experiment. Are you ready? This might be a little tough on your emotions. I need you to commit fully to this experience.


Imagine you are cozy, warm, full and sleeping...it is normal, not scary and feels "right". Nothing out of place. You have been like this for a while. You know nothing else. You are fine.

Now, someone has yanked you from this peaceful place, wrapped you up, stuck you all alone in a room and left you. You are hungry, cold and scared. You are paralyzed. You cannot recognize the language they speak. You are in a foreign land.

Occasionally, someone comes and gets you and feeds you and cuddles you and talks to you. You are happy. They make sure you are dry, full and warm.

Something happens when it gets dark though...you are back in the room on your back, alone, cold, hungry, scared, uncomfortable and wet. You cannot roll over, you cannot speak, you cannot leave...you are stuck. What do you do? Do you cry? What happens when you cry? Do they come for you? If they come for you, do they soothe you, comfort you, feed you? Do they merely pat you? Do they shush you? What would you like for them to do?

Imagine that this is not you, but, your baby. They come into this world from a warm, cozy place where they are fed constantly, always warm and comfortable. They are near you and can hear you. Now, they are born and at night, you expect them to lie all alone in a dark room, no one to hold them, to feed them, to soothe them. You expect this baby that cannot move, cannot speak, cannot understand to just lay there and sleep, to not cry, to not want help or fed, to not want love...all because it is dark and you want sleep. They DO NOT understand this, they will not understand this until later.

Imagine as an adult thrust into that situation how scared you would be, how long it would take you to feel alright, to learn to sleep all night...and you are an adult. You have understanding, mature emotions and thoughts. Why expect all that and more from a baby? They aren't even capable.

Cry It Out is wrong, sleep training is wrong, expecting a baby to sleep all night is wrong.

A Child Has No Rights.

So apparently, a child has no rights because they are a child. They are humans, they are living breathing souls, but, according to some people, they should not have rights. No rights to privacy, to their own thoughts, own emotions, own space, nothing.

Ok, let's explore the right to privacy...

You believe your child has none. If that is the case, move them into the living room, remove the door off the bathroom and put everything they "own" in a box. Make sure they NEVER have a moment alone. NEVER buy them a diary. In fact, buy a white board and make them pour out their heart and soul onto it and leave it up for the world to see and make the family discuss it at the dinner table. When company comes over, have them pilfer through the box of things and allow them to peruse until they are content. Always stand inside the bathroom with your child while they use it, doesn't matter if they are bathing, pottying...whatever. Take a picture of every movement they make and post it online.

Now, tell me again that your child has "NO right to privacy". Yeah, I do believe they deserve at least a little respect.

A diary should be a safe harbor to write things you wouldn't say to another person, to express feeling that are too hard to share, to release frustrations that can't be acted upon. A way for a sane person to deal with life and emotions. To write silly embarrassing things. Private notes. Special thoughts. Prayers. They are not merely paper to write things for mom to know.

A child is a human, a person and deserves every bit of respect and rights and privacy as you or I. They are not pawns, things to own, less than.

If your child has a private diary, journal, lock box, safe corner...whatever, respect that. Allow them that bit of anonymity, autonomy and privacy. Let them have feelings and emotions separate of yours. Allow them that right to have their innermost private thoughts to be just that, PRIVATE. A child does NOT have to share their every thought or emotion with you. They OWN that thought and all rights to it.

This doesn't just apply to diaries though. It applies to a various and sundry list of things. Though they may be a child that you are in charge of and responsible for, you do NOT own them, nor do you own their feelings, thoughts or emotions. The least you can do is allow them that right.

The Pearls Suck...End Of Story.

Ok, to clarify since some people are just...well, need a "Bless your heart".

I posted a picture earlier that had a collection of stupid books, baby trainers and more on it. One of the pics was of the book, "To train up a child". Someone commented defending them as great folks.

So, I countered and presented her with facts about them directly from their website. NoGreaterJoy.com  It showed their advice of hitting a BABY..like 4-12 months...with "a length of weed eater chord [sic]" if they cry to be picked up and continue until they stop crying and begin to show joy again.

“Please give examples of the kinds of things for which you used the rod, both as a training tool and as punishment, for children were under 12 months.”
We never used the rod to punish a child younger than 12 months. You should read No Greater Joy Volume One and Volume Two. We discussed this subject several times in those two books. For young children, especially during the first year, the rod is used very lightly as a training tool. You use something small and light to get the child’s attention and to reinforce your command. One or two light licks on the bare legs or arms will cause a child to stop in his tracks and regard your commands. A 12-inch piece of weed eater chord works well as a beginner rod. It will fit in your purse or pocket.
Later, a plumber’s supply line is a good spanking tool. You can get it at Wal-Mart or any hardware store. Ask for a plastic, ¼ inch, supply line. They come in different lengths and several colors; so you can have a designer rod to your own taste. They sell for less than $1.00. A baby needs to be trained all day, everyday. It should be a cheerful, directing training, not a correction training. If a 10-month-old plays in the dirt in the flowerpot, a simple swat to the hand accompanied with the command “No,” said in a cheerful but authoritative voice, should be sufficient.
When your 6-month-old baby grabs sister’s hair, while he still has a hand full of hair, swat his hand or arm and say “No, that hurts sister.” If he has already let go of her hair, then put his hand back on her hair, so as to engage his mind in the former action, and then carry on with the hand swatting and the command. If you found your baby trying to stick something in the electrical receptacle, keep his hand on the object and near the receptacle while giving him a few swats on the back of the offending hand, and this to the sound of your rebuke—“No, don’t touch, No, don’t touch.” This time he needs to cry and be upset.
If your 10-month-old is pitching a fit because he wants to be picked up, then you must reinforce your command with a few stinging swats. You are not punishing him; you are causing him to associate his negative behavior with negative consequences. Never reward bad behavior with indifference. Tell the baby “No” and give him a swat. If your response is new, he may be offended and scream louder. But continue your normal activities as if you are unaffected. Wait one minute, and then tell the baby to stop crying. If he doesn’t, again swat him on his bare legs. You don’t need to undress him, turn him over, or make a big deal out of it. Just swat him where any skin is exposed. Continue to act as if you don’t notice the fit. Wait two minutes and repeat. Continue until the baby realizes that this is getting worse not better. Most babies will keep it going for 3 or 4 times and then slide to a sitting position and sob it out. When this happens, it signals a surrender, so give him two minutes to get control and then swoop him up as if the fit never happen and give him a big hug, BUT don’t hold him in the manner he was demanding. Now remove yourself from the area so as to remove him from association with the past event.
Don’t ever hit a small child with your hand. You are too big and the baby is too small. The surface of the skin is where the most nerves are located and where it is easiest to cause pain without any damage to the child. The weight of your hand does little to sting the skin, but can cause bruising or serious damage internally. Babies need training but they do not need to be punished. Never react in anger or frustration. If you loose it, get your self under control before you attempt to discipline a child.

If you read through, you will understand why I hate them with a passion and

why I posted the pictures of the cord and the plumbing line.

I do NOT advocate hitting kids. I posted all of this so you can understand my

stand and why I feel the way I do...

I Lost My A/P Parenting Card To Honey Boo Boo

So, apparently, since I run a page supporting natural, gentle, A/P parenting and that means I must be "on" at all times and NEVER diviate from the "Perfect, Holier-Than-Thou" persona at any time. I must ALWAYS post things pertaining to Natural, Gentle, A/P parenting and never make mention of any activities, thoughts, actions, desires, want, needs or anything else that falls outside of Sanctimommy A/P bounderies. Because no one EVER sees the good things I post and always latch on to the one thing not A/P and will follow that thought to the absolute hilt and never waiver. Seriously folks, you need to get a life.

About Honey Boo Boo taking my A/P card:

 I have seen a few episodes, but, I like Alana and Mama June and Sugar Bear. Why? They are genuine, down to earth and love each other. They are ACCEPTING (unlike many horrible A/P Crunchy moms). They do things as a family unit. They overlook flaws. Sure, they eat some shitty foods. They have no manners at home...but, I don't have manners in my own home all the time. I mean, I DO burp and fart. Maybe A/P moms don't? I dunno....

Anyway, yesterday, I posted something about them with the caption, "I like them. I don't even care." ZOMG...that got some people all freaked the eff out. "I like them"...and put them on my page and apparently, that translates into, "Ignore EVERYTHING else in the world...follow this family and do as they do because I comepletely endose them as the worlds most perfect examples of A/P parenting."

Really folks?!?! Really?

Some lady literally, threatened to post my page to all media outlets, to write up a story for NBC news based on this exchange and let me know she had screenshots. Um...chick don't realize people screenshot our page all day everyday. LOL I also am going to go out on a limb and guess that the world doesn't care if I like Honey Boo Boo or not and they for sure don't give a rats ass about my page and my thoughts enough to give a damn what "Mrs. NBC Writer" has to say about me. Friggin laughable. That's what that is. According to her and a few others, I should lose my A/P advocate card and "hang it up" and no longer advocate for babies since I "like" this family. WTF?!?!

Let me explain something to you kind people...The tenants of A/P don't say a thing about Honey Boo Boo or Reality TV or anything close to it...Let me refresh your memory:

"Per Dr. Sears' theory of attachment parenting (AP), proponents such as the API attempt to foster a secure bond with their children by promoting eight principles which are identified as goals for parents to strive for. These eight principles are:^{[citation needed]}

1. Preparation for Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting
2. Feed with Love and Respect
3. Respond with Sensitivity
4. Use Nurturing Touch
5. Ensure Safe Sleep, Physically and Emotionally
6. Provide Consistent Loving Care
7. Practice Positive Discipline
8. Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life

These values are interpreted in a variety of ways. Many attachment parents also choose to live a natural family living (NFL) lifestyle, such as natural childbirth, home birth, stay-at-home parenting, co-sleeping, breastfeeding, babywearing, homeschooling, unschooling, the anti-circumcision movement, natural health, cooperative movements, paleolithic lifestyle, naturism and support of organic and local foods.
However, Dr. Sears does not require a parent to strictly follow any set of rules, instead encouraging parents to be creative in responding to their child's needs. Attachment parenting, outside the guise of Dr. Sears, focuses on responses that support secure attachments."



Would ya lookit that? No mention of what I am allowed to watch, like, endorse or mention. Wosers...I guess that means I DO get to keep my card after all. Too bad some people can't see past their FWCC Petrol Pfau to see all the other mommas around them with Ergos. You know, stuck up, snooty Sanctimonious, I'm completely and perfectly crunchy and do it ALL...and you totally do the same thing on a lesser scale, but, aren't worth my time with your Cosco Sceneca..I have a Cleck Foonf because it cost the most type moms. Yeah...

My UNcensored thoughts(*WARNING* Foul language and bound to offend)

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Why is it if say extended rearfacing is mentioned and a mom doesn't want to hear about it, we get told, "There are different parenting styles". Um, I call BULLSHIT...wanting your kid safe is not a parenting "STYLE". Rearfacing IS safer. That is FACT not mere opinion. All you have to do is research it to find out, but, these "other style" of moms can't be arsed to bother. They would rather call everyone else a "crazy, AP, over protective mom". Uh huh...fine, I guess I will accept that title if it means my kid is fucking safer. Ok then, that's me, "crazy, AP over-protective mom". Whatever. 


Parenting styles that differ are those that hover their child when they are climbing on the jungle gym and those that don't. Those are parenting styles..things that wouldn't really matter wither way. Not choosing to do something potentially dangerous or not dangerous. 


Using CIO or not using CIO...ok, if there wasn't studies out that PROVE that a baby all alone in a room crying for hours until they give out and pass out was bad for their brains, then this could be called different parenting styles...but, since it can't. Don't tell me that allowing your under 2 month old to cry for even 30 minutes with you nowhere in sight is just your way of parenting. Again, I call bullshit. You just can't be arsed to parent at night. Oh and I am not talking about those that took care of baby's needs, that are actively involved. I am referring to the, "I need sleep. Let baby cry...he will fall asleep." folks. 


If you put cereal in the baby bottle to "help them sleep", or you prop the bottle up "so you can do stuff". That is NOT just a different parenting style than me. Again...I call BULLSHIT!! Cereal in a bottle is wrong. There ARE warnings against it because it is a choking hazard and if your kid can't eat it off a spoon, they aren't ready for solids. Again...all FACT. You just don't care to learn and don't want to care. You can't be arsed to research and learn and care. And don't give me the, "my baby has reflux" spiel. Did you know that the cereal in a bottle remedy is an OLD outdated one? Yeah...feed baby smaller amounts frequently instead of massive bottles and reflux can generally be helped. Try it. 


I know...I haven't been in your shoes..blah, blah, blah.


Nope... he slept with me, I fed bottles by HOLDING him, even at night. Every 4 hours. Well, that was after the first month where I nurse 2 straight hours. Stopped for 30 minutes then he nursed another 2 hours. Yeah...24/7. 


He would drink a bottle every 4 hours, he slept all night long from 3 months because he knew I was there and would happily get up and feed him. There was no cereal in his bottle ever either. 


Now, is that to say I am perfect and I never did anything wrong. NOPE...
I did plenty wrong. I turned him forward facing at 6 months. BUT, that was before there was even a 1 and 20 law or internet or extended rearfacing researched here in the US. The law was 20lbs at the time and I turned him, but, I did use a 5-point harness and I did keep him in a seat longer than everyone else.


My next kid...will be rearfaced until the max of his seat, will sleep with me and NEVER CIO, and won't have a bottle at all if I can help it. Why? Because I am adult enough to research, to see where I went wrong and try better. To acknowledge that my way was wrong and there are better ways. I have the ability to research and change and understand and not be caught up in my pride. 




The thing is...I WILL continue to try and educate those that care to know about these things and you can continue to ignore it. BUT don't you dare try to excuse your unwillingness as merely a different parenting style. Tell it like it is, you just don't care to know better and I will still be here when you do decide to care.