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Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Yes, I judge other moms.

     I am not usually one to judge new mom's. However, I have noticed that one thing causes me to judge them and I am trying hard to not let it affect me. I'll admit, I would love if every mom was informed and thought the same way I do, but, I also realize...that ain't ever gonna happen. LOL

     The one thing that truly irks me about a brand new mom, is when I see a picture of her in the hospital bed with a just born baby. And in the foreground or in her hand I see...a bottle of formula. Yes, I know, it's her choice and right not to breastfeed and I respect that. I truly do. But, there is a small piece of me that wants to grab her and explain what her kid is missing out on. Even if she were to only commit to nursing the baby only while they both remained in the hospital. I realize that it's judgmental and wrong of me, but, I still can't help myself. I get all antsy just seeing those pictures..and lately it seems everyone knows someone that is having a baby and that damned bottle is in every picture I see posted.

So, from here on out, I will make it my duty to try and change my judgmental view and focus on educating before all of these births instead of judging after.


  1. Oh, I do it, too :(

    Well, partly I'm judging, partly I'm wondering why you wouldn't even TRY! Especially since I went through hell (teas, dozens of lactation consultants, doctors, supplements, domperidone, the works) and limped my way to nursing both my kids for a mere 4 months each (and had to supplement)...and I guess I am a little awe stricken that, while I completely turned my life upside down, and probably tested the limits of my sanity to nurse, it's not even a blip on the radar of these women.

    Maybe I'm a little jealous that they can so easily make the decision not to nurse while I struggled so much? Maybe I am judging them because I feel like their choice is an ignorant one, and my struggle shows how dedicated I was to make a more informed choice (even though I ultimately failed)? I don't know. But I hear ya. I judge them hard. Even when they're my friends. I'm all about reproductive choices, but I just can't understand how you can make that decision....and it's not the type of thing you could ever, EVER mention unless it's like your sister...and even then.

    Sigh. Good luck not judging!

  2. Thank you so much for you awesome take on it. I appreciate you sharing your feelings and your story with us. It makes me feel a little better knowing I am not alone. :)

  3. That's why its so great to have informed bloggers! We all know its inappropriate to give unsolicited advice to other mamas, but if they happen to come across some words of wisdom on here...then more power to them!

  4. :) Hopefully that's what will happen.

  5. I understand where you are coming from I honestly do, I to use to do that. But then I became a mother I was dead set on nursing I never ever wanted to use formula. I know what is good for my baby. I also never thought I would have any problems nursing. I got milk very early and was more excited than you will ever know to be able to breast feed. I had to have a C-section so I didnt get to see my baby for about 2 hours after she was born. As soon as they brought her to me they told me to nurse her. So I did, we were doing great or so I thought. My milk was there she latched on great and we were on our way to an awesome bonding experiance, or so I thought. It was time for her second feeding and we got positioned but what do you know, no latching. (we did not give her a pacifier) I tried every position I could think of to get her to latch still no luck. I called for the hospitals lactation consultant to help me. She came and still no luck. We could not get her to latch on again. I kept trying but it was no good. I then decided I would pump for her. We did that for the first day. (all the while i was still trying to get her to latch) She would eat the milk i pumped for her but she would still be hungry. She was so fussy and very hungry that finally I just broke down and asked for a bottle. I still pumped for her but my milk alone was not enough for her. I pumped for about a month and a half for her but my supply eventually ran out. Now my baby is 3 months old and is strictly on formula. She is above average on all the doctors charts. She is fat and healthy and learning so much so fast! I will never again judge by those pictures. You never know a persons situation. There are pictures of me and my little one with a bottle at the hospital, and if that is all you saw you would think I hadn't tried at all, when in fact we tried very hard! I was and still am very sad that we didnt get to have that special mommy baby experiance and I am going to try again with my second child (when i have one). I hope that we have better luck next time. I dont know why she wouldnt just latch on. Sometimes, a picture doesn't tell the whole story. Thanks. :)

  6. I understand. I stopped nursing my son at one month old. I was uneducated. So, I get it. :)

  7. I don't think you have any right to judge any mom. Maybe judge the mothers who abandon their children in trash chutes, abuse them, etc...But a mother who IS taking care of her child and IS doing the best she knows how. Yes, breast milk is the best way to nourish a child. Yes, we should all know this. But for some mothers, do you know every thing about them? Do you know about their support system? Are you them? No, you're not. A woman has the right to choose how she feeds her child. She should be able to choose this and not fear judgement. At the very LEAST, she is feeding and loving her child which is much more than we can say for some mothers in this country.

    as for this:
    "I understand. I stopped nursing my son at one month old. I was uneducated. So, I get it. :)"

    Now that's Passive Aggressive 101 and completely unfair to that mother who tried. Who did not succeed. She tried..nonetheless.

  8. First of all, I never said I WANTED to judge them. Secondly, I never said I judged those that tried and failed.
    I merely was writing this to admit that I DO have a tendency to form a snap judgment.
    And the people I tend to snap judge are the ladies that post a picture online of their FIRST baby having it's "first meal"...a bottle of Similac. That's where I tend to judge and yes, I said that it is WRONG of me and that I would try to not do it anymore and instead educate.
    BTW, I quit only because I thought he wasn't getting enough when he ate non-stop. Either way, I did at least nurse him for a month. I just wasn't educated, therefore, I plan on educating others and being their support system.

  9. Here's one from an oldtimer...

    I gave birth to 3 healthy boys over the years. With my first, I did not nurse because I was a smoker and told that it was harmful to my child as the nicotine, etc would be in my milk. What I wasn't told then was that it was also harmful to smoke while pregnant AND that second hand smoke was harmful as well. I grew up with two parents who both smoked as well as it being portrayed in commercials and advertising as being something "cool" to do. Anyway, I digress...

    I tried to nurse my second son but did not have a support system at all and when I tried to do everything as I always had to do (cooking, shopping, cleaning, yardwork, laundry, raise and care for children, you name it - in those days it was expected that a woman must do these things) I found that I couldn't do that while holding a nursing baby at my breast. Also, as I said, I am an old timer... there was no place in public to go to nurse a baby, not even the ladies room without people judging or making ridiculous statements about it being "vulgar" "shameful" "indecent"... can you even IMAGINE breastfeeding being considered any of these things? Such foolish ignorant people in those days! I guess I let them get to me for it began to impact my milk supply and I found myself having to supplement with formula and when I did, I learned that it satisfied my baby faster and longer and took away the feeling that I had to hide what I was doing like I was some sort of criminal. When my third son was born, I was a bit older and wiser and learned to tell people to piss off if they said something negative about me feeding my baby in the most natural way and I was ALWAYS discreet in how I did that in public. I LOVED NURSING MY BABY! It was my favorite time of the day/night. My regret was that I didn't have the support system (not even from mother, aunts, friends, husband) that would have helped me to make a very different decision with my other two babies. I nursed my youngest son until he was about a year old. It became my decision to wean him over to a cup when he reached into my blouse and helped himself to my breast while going through the checkout at the grocery store AND I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE IT because it was such a normal natural thing for him to do. It was embarassing and comical all at the same time. The grocery checker was an older woman who brought his antics to my attention and we both had a laugh over it. My son was already drinking juice and water from a cup so the transition was fairly easy for him. He was still a cuddler and loved falling asleep with his face against my breast as I rocked him to sleep. If I were younger and still able to have children, I would certainly try to nurse them all. Oh yeah, I also gave up smoking.

    So I don't judge but I really feel it is something that I would hope that every new mother would at least try, if only for a week or so. The colostrum is rich in antibodies and high in protein and very valuable to your baby.

    Just thought I'd share my story... :)