I did it and you should too. We all turned out "just fine".

     I get SO sick of hearing this excuse for why someone hasn't modernized their ways or why they expect you to follow them down their path.

     I will tell you now, my son seems perfectly fine and healthy and extremely bright and very compassionate. However, I won't raise the next kid in the exact way I raised my son. Why, you ask? Well, for one, my next kid is not my first one. They are different, the same with every other kid on the planet. Therefore, that alone negates that from happening. Different people have different needs and wants and desires. Also, I have changed since having my son and so have the times. What once was thought to be safe might not be at all safe now. For instance, my son had a drop side crib. You know, the same kind outlawed now. My son never had ANY issue with them, but, someones son did.

     My mom wasn't nursed, she also didn't get the benefit of actual formula either. She got some concoction of canned milk. My mom seems fine and healthy, but, ain't no way in hell am I feeding anyone's baby canned milk concoction. Again, my mom is "just fine", but, you wonder how she could have been. I know for a fact that some kids died because their parents fed them concoctions. My mom never had ANY issues with it, but, someones daughter did.

     The other point I wanted to make is this, yes, you may have done (X,Y or Z) and turned out just fine for thousands of generations, but, that doesn't mean every other person on the planet can do it even once and everything work out so perfect. Sure, you can suggest your way, but, don't get so caught up in "your way" that you can't see the new research against it or the warnings against it. Just because no one in your family has been hurt by it, doesn't mean that it can never happen to any other family. By all means, do the research yourself if someone is questioning your ways. Decide if the risk is something you are willing to continue to take.

     BTW, I hear this mentioned a lot when I talk against "Babywise", CIO, cereal in a bottle, rearfacing past 12 months, trying to avoid inductions or c-sections, trying to make it to at least 40 weeks, sleep training, co-sleeping and many, many other things. It is ridiculous how defensive people get. No need to shoot the messenger for spreading the info. Just do your research and decide for your family instead of attempting to decide for mine.
 

Keep in mind...one person can huff paint for YEARS and be "just fine", but, a LOT of people can huff paint ONCE and fall over dead instantly.

The Sleep Guide for "Informed" Moms.

     First of all let me start by stating that I do NOT advocate implementing sleeping techniques until after 12 months of age. That said, there are nice comforting things that you can use for all babies that may help your little one sleep better.

     From birth, your little one is designed by nature to wake frequently. They are not mature enough physically or mentally to sleep longer stretches. Babies need food, comfort and closeness round the clock. They are designed to wake frequently because it is dangerous for newborns to fall into a too deep sleep. They need to keep a lighter sleep to keep the breathing in check. This a natures SIDS prevention and is easier for baby to regulate if they sleep in close proximity to mom. Not to mention, breastfeeding and co-sleeping go hand in hand, both of those together lower the SIDS risk and help mom get more sleep than her counterparts.

                   These are all different SAFE co-sleeping options. I recommend you figure out the best situation for your family.

     Babies wake often to feed and should not be discouraged from it. ALWAYS nurse baby when they wake, even at night. I am not sure where the notion that babies can and should go all night without eating came from, but, just because one kid you know does/did it, doesn't mean every baby can and should go all night from 2 or 3 months and not eat. Babies have teeny tiny stomachs incapable of holding more than a few ounces. If you pair that with how well BM is digested, and how quickly it is absorbed and used in a growing babies body, it's a wonder any kid goes more than an hour without needing another refill. The only difference between night and day feeding is this: 

•   Keep it quiet
•   Keep it dark
•   Keep it low key
•   Do not talk or rouse baby unnecessarily
•   Learn to dream feed(sleeping on your side while baby eats or finds breast on his own)

All of this together will go a long way in helping baby understand that nighttime is for sleeping and daytime is for playing. Another helpful thing is to provide baby with a positive sleep association. This can include a routine for night, a special lovey that comes out to hold only when being rocked at night and slept with, a special go to sleep song or any number of things you can think of.

     If you prefer, when mom is done nursing the baby to sleep for the night, it can then be dad's job to cuddle with baby for nighttime sleep. This is especially helpful for the older child as mom can roll over and dad becomes the security instead of the breast. This method should ONLY be used on a child over six months old minimum. 

     Make sure baby has PLENTY opportunities for naps during the day and is put to bed early enough at night. A too tired baby is not likely to go down easily or quietly. Trying to keep baby awake all day or up later at night will backfire. Although I DO recommend ample play and stimulation and sunlight during the day, naps are equally as important as the rest. 

     These steps are all I recommend for kids under one year old. No more than these. Even if baby wakes every 30 minutes for every night until 12 months. I'm sorry to say, it is just how I feel.

If your child is over 12 months old and you would like suggestions for sleeping longer stretches, continue to follow all of the above methods and slowly incorporate these into the routine as well.

     You can now move child into a separate crib/room if you must although, I still don't recommend it. Be sure to follow the same nightly routine, this is important. That routine let's baby know what to expect and helps him deal emotionally with the changes. Always put baby into the bed when sleepy, but, not asleep. If baby wakes, respond by patting and "shushing", help baby calm and relax. If baby insists, pick up and comfort and soothe baby until calm again. This may or may not take a long amount of time. If it does, be consistent and comfort and soothe. If it takes 200 times of this, continue. I assure you it will work and baby can learn to sleep without "crying-it-out". 

     The keys to remember are:

• Consistency
• quiet, still nights
• bright, active days
• NAPS
• comfort, soothe, repeat
• routine/lovey (positive sleep associations)
• patience
• do not withhold feedings
• parents share night parenting equally

http://www.askdrsears.com

Explanation of different methods

The Birth of an Advocate

   

                          YMCA scene from my wedding on June 18th. My mom, my son, me, my new hubby, his sis, her daughter and her sister..



     This weekend, my mom was at my house. She had taken my son on vacation and was bringing him back. Well, I was online on Facebook at some point and had clicked on a post with some still scenes from a birth while my mom was sitting next to me. My mom was fascinated. You see, she has never seen or experienced natural childbirth. When she was pregnant with me, the only thing she knew about pregnancy was how to get that way. She didn't really know anything else about pregnancy, childbirth, labor or newborns. She was a tiny little thing, barely 4'10" and barely 98lbs when she got pregnant. The doctors told her that her pelvis was too small to deliver anything other than a 5 or 6 pound baby and it was decided that I was a big baby and that she would need a c-section. She was due June 30th, but, was allowed to go until she went into labor apparently because she woke up in the night on July 18th in labor. My dad drove her the hour to the hospital and they whisked her in to the OR at 1 or 2 AM because by 2:18AM I was born. I was 8lbs and 14oz and 23in. so yeah, I was a bigger baby, but, we still don't know for sure she couldn't have me. My mom was put under for the birth because she couldn't take the feeling of them working on her, so, she missed out on a lot. She never planned on nursing me anyway so her missing out really didn't affect that. :)

     In showing her those videos, I wanted her to be armed with knowledge not only for herself, although, she is past having kids, but to be a voice for anyone else she meets that needs a voice. Maybe her niece, or cousin are pregnant and she hears them mention c-section or big baby, I know that now, she will speak up about things after having seen these videos. She was truly fascinated. She asked questions too!! I explained that one birth was an unassisted birth, she asked if it was legal and could you get in trouble. I got to tell her that it is legal here and you CAN take charge if you want. She asked why the mom was on hands and knees and I told her that the position is the BEST for opening the pelvis and making room. I told her that the lithotomy(back) position used in hospitals was the worst and closed up the pelvis more. She asked me why the doctor would use it if it was the worst and I got to tell her it is so they can see better. She was not happy about that answer...you could see it in her expression. I even showed her a breast crawl video, she seemed less impressed. LOL She said well if baby kangaroos can crawl up and into the pouch without anyone telling them or putting them there, why can a human baby find a boob to eat from? Indeed mom, touche.

    Why am I telling you this? Well, I want you to see all of the places where one might inform or educate an otherwise unlikely student/mom. I also want you to see the possibilities for ripple effects from  this bit of info being shed on someone. Now, instead of spreading her story as "I had to have a c-section because my pelvis was too small and baby was too big.", she might start telling the story as, "I wasn't allowed to give birth naturally because the doctors jumped the gun and said I had to have a c-section." Just that change in wording might help the next person think a little beforehand. Would it change the fact she had a c-section, no. Would it maybe prevent another scheduled one for someone else, possibly. Maybe this small change in perspective for her will help her when talking to future pregnant women. It's a start at least.